Friday, June 1, 2018

You Cannot Co-Parent with Toxic Narcissistic People

This post has been a long time coming. Things have been seriously insane raising 4 kids but I make it work. Parenting with 4 men is a challenge sometimes they each have their own personalities and beliefs it can get to be very stressful. But none more stressful then my middle daughters father. I have tried to compromise since he decided he wanted to be part of her life. I have fought with him more times then not forgiving each of his serious incidents in the hopes he would be the dad my daughter deserved. But it only works whenever he feels like it and the moment that he gets angry he is quick to tell me he has his oldest two and his youngest children and that's all he needs. Mind you he has 5 kids. 

The final straw came with the accusation of his girl-friend and youngest daughters mother that we were cheating with each other and that my daughter was not my priority that he was. I seen red and every other firework color in between. My kids since my parents died have been my lifeline and my number one priority. I was angry and I still am. I told him at this point that I would not be texting him any further that if he wanted to see his daughter he could come get her with his gfs permission. He responded in the usual form out of pure spiteful anger and I realized in that moment that no matter how I push it my daughter was expendable to him. Now I contemplated posting all the screenshots because I keep everything where he is concerned because he is prone to outbursts like these and I do not want to be blamed in later years by my daughter for not allowing her dad to be a dad. But enough is enough. Some people in life are just toxic and sometimes it is our jobs as parents to protect our kids. Because how will you explain to a child that she is dark enough and doesn't have her dads last name so she isn't good enough?

I try to remember that it not good to speak negatively about my kids fathers in front of them. But my daughter knows him as "daddy" but she does not know him. When I do drop her off I have to walk away while she screams for me because my boyfriend and I have been the consistent people she has seen since she was born. However you cannot co-parent with a narcissistic person. One more time in case y'all missed that....YOU. CANNOT. CO-PARENT. WITH. A. NARCISSISTIC. PERSON. No matter how compressible or stead fast you are it is impossbile to be the bigger person because ultimately you will always fail because it is impossible to co-parent with a toxic person. Why? Because co-parenting requires both parents to share the intent and effort in raising their child. 

My solution to my issue was to do the one thing I swore I would never do to my kids fathers and that's put him on child support. You see if my child is replaceable and you don't wanna be part of their life that is a choice. I got three men that are far from perfect but they remain a steady consistent face in their kids lives. And to me that is more important then money. But if you ain't going to do jack shit, and your gonna have your girlfriend do your job of buying your child stuff and you are not going to consistently see your child then you might as well pay something for your child. 

What do I expect I expect my name to be drug through the mud starting with the rumors about me and mine to his circle and even my circle of friends. I am prepared for lies saying I am being selfish, insecure, that I won't let him see his daughter, that I am a whore. Hell he has gone so far to call me a bitch via video on social media so nothing can surprise me at this point and what I have learned from him is that I cannot worry about being that bad guy all I can do is continue to raise my children to the best of their abilities and just live my life. Because at the end of the day...happiness is the best revenge and I know in 10 years he still going to be doing the exact same thing he is now while I continue to grow.