Sunday, March 6, 2016

Curve Balls of Life

In my world things are never simple or easy. My biological mom overdosed and died Feb 24th. The lil monkeys dad said some rather hateful things in regards to that which led to the ultimate fallout to the point he is a non-factor in my life. Morning sickness has kicked in overdrive. Exhaustion is kicking my ass and I am overwhelmed and scared.

My bestie has been a life saver in regards to help Lord knows I don't know what I would do without her at the moment.

California is the only shining ray of happiness that I got. Knowing that in 2 months I will be eating carne asada fries and soaking up good music and sun makes me smile hut the rest is shitty. And California will always make me remember him and for the life of me I can't figure out why he is different then the rest....why he is sticking on my mind even still....how he managed to beat my first love and ultimately I know it means it was cuz I really loved him not no pretend love everyone else gets. Smh eventually I will forget or maybe he will really be that last guy I let in because I don't think I will ever let another man that close to me or my kids again. Kinda sad but I got to accept its me and these kids that's it.

I never expected my life to be like this. People tell me I am a champion for everything I have been thru since August 2014 but I don't feel like a champion hell I don't even feel like a survivor. I feel like I am the walking dead. And while I have people willing to help me....trying to help me....it's like the only people I want it from is the people who are no longer here or no longer want to.

Life throws hella curve balls....and seems hell bent on striking me out the game.