I cannot begin to explain how it feels to walk away from him so that I can board the plane and go back to KY. I cannot begin to explain the overwhelming sadness I get during the six hour flight and how when my feet a firmly on the ground at my destination how much I wish I could turn around and get back on the next flight back to him.
Four days is just not enough time to see someone after 3 months. Four days isn’t enough time and I miss my kids so it hurts both ways. If I am home I miss him if I am in Cali then I miss my kids. Its sickening really….it honestly makes my stomach hurt. But I know I am supposed to be strong and the distance is only temporary. But that makes me wanna scream out in frustration because temporar y from my end feels like a century.
I wish I had the money so that I could just pack up and leave. But that isn’t a possibility right now. I know that eventually I will make it happen and I can pray that we are both stong enough to hold on till that time gets here but who knows when that will be.
I am sitting on this plane with roughly 35 minutes left in this first flight. Then a hour and a half on the next one and then it is back to my sucky reality. The fact that I am so unhappy where I live doesn’t help things. I wonder how many people from there are reading this right now. Yeah I said it I hate your crappy ass town with your gossiping drama filled people. At least out in California everyone minds their own business.
It will be October before I will see him again and then he said he would try to come for the holiday season. After that I guess it will be my turn since tax season will be upon us. I am just hoping for enough that I can bring the kids the next time so that Ziah will still be young enough to fly without her own ticket. Hopefully next year California will become home for us. I don’t know I still got some convincing to do to make sure that transition happens smoothly.