Nights are a time of peace for me....as long as it is after 9pm. People have described me as running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Maybe that is the truth I have been very overwhelmed and stressed and did I say overwhelmed? It could be because I am 5 days away from my period, it could be because I am no longer taking the antidepressants and anxiety medicine, it could be because I feel generally harassed because I am sick and honestly haven't had time to try and recover.
So it's Saturday night....and I feel like the walls are closing in. I am tired of being in the house but it is a obligation right now. My baby's fathers don't like it when I say I am a single mother. And financially they provide for their kids and they both do watch their kids but I am here 24/7. I am the one who gets up in during nights for cries and sleep walking and wakes up way to early because of cartoons or having my hair yanked. I deal with the sicknesses, the whining, and the messes. I wake up at 6am and walk in the cold to wait for the bus so Little Foot can make the bus. And like all single mothers out there I feel so alone and all I really want is some support. Pumpkin's father is the most help I can count on him to watch both kids when he doesn't have to work...his mother also has taken the place of my mom as my go to babysitter. But I rarely ask for stuff that is just for fun....normally I ask them to watch the kids because I have errands I have to run.
It's crazy people think that because I haven't started my job that everything is easy or simple for me but the truth is....being a mom is hard work! Ladies you know I am absolutely right! I am glad I didn't have back to back kids. I have respect for the mothers who manage to raise several kids. I for one think I wasn't meant to do it alone.