Friday, August 1, 2014

Before I am 30

I have come to realize in my life that when it rains it pours. It gets a little disheartening and hard to remain positive when everything starts going wrong. From family and friends being mad at me to the car messing up and finding brown recluse spiders in my house. It has been a rough few days. I feel overwhelmed. And it is funny because it is the people I didn't expect to fight with that I have so many problems with.

Now anyone knows me knows I am good about keeping up face and keeping it moving. I won't lie shit gets to me more then people begin to know. Even when they do get past my first round of defense and see me cry that is only a small part of what is going on inside. If I am upset enough to let someone who isn't family see me cry then I inside I am having a emotional breakdown. I fight myself everyday and I am my biggest enemy. I am good about self destructing.

The only thing that really feels right is my kids. And learning how to co-parent with Ziah's dad has been rocky. I am thankful that Xay's dad and I co-parent so well. Because if I had the problems I have had with him I would of gone crazy and probably never had any more kids.

I know I need to set some kind of goals to work for. One day at a time isn't cutting it for me anymore. So I decided to do a top 10 things to complete before I am 30. 

1. Graduate College + Get a job in the IT field
2. Get married outside
3. Move to a new town
4. Become a foster parent and/or adoptive parent
5. Watch the sunrise on the beach
6. Start exercising everyday
7. Go To A Formal Affair
8. Travel Out of the Country
9. Take my kids on vacation
10. Go wine testing in California