Wednesday, July 16, 2014
I had to sit and think about what to post because there has been a lot of stuff that has been happening. Sometimes it is hard for me to clear my head and focus on what needs to be done in the correct order. Last post I was struggling with the lack of income and how it was messing with me. Now I still don't have the income that I would like but with my brother working life isn't about the money aspect. Now its about balance.
Making sure I don't procrastinate and miss school assignments has quickly risen to the top of my priorities. Along with making sure that both my son and daughter get quality time. Which I feel like sometimes my son doesn't get as much as he deserves because of the baby. But sometimes you just got to stop yourself in your tracks and reevaluate things and change the direction you were headed.
Things haven't been easy. Things with Ziah's dad and I are a lot more complicated then with Xay's dad. I never thought I would be thankful for my sons father but he has made it that way. I have no want or need to be that crazy baby momma guys talk about. I have no need to keep my kids away from their fathers nor to draw child support. If they choose not to be active in their kids lives then it would be no ones fault but their own. Lucky for me and my kids they both have dads that while not perfect do want to be in their kids lives. But my daughters dad gives me hell.....but it is never about our daughter it is generally him clashing with the woman I am. Which makes co-parenting harder. All I expect is Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Birthdays to be done together. I expect no arguments over bullshit. And in return I will not go off over most stuff unless we are talking about people being around the kids that are bad influences then I have plenty to say.
Speaking of new people I have this interesting new guy in my life at the moment. No not a boyfriend....just a man who is uncomplicated for me. Which is something I have needed around...sometimes its weird being around someone older and dominant but the difference in his dominance and the kind I am used to is that he is not going to purposefully cause me harm. But I have this wall up. Its like I know myself well enough now to know when I am going to catch feelings. And this man...well that sums it up he is not a kid he is a man. He supports his own damn self. It's interesting tho because I got to fight myself not to shove him away and tuck tail and run. But something tells me I am going to learn a lot. He may leave after he graduates and I may never see him again in my life but at least he will be someone I remember. He left is mark on my soul and he doesn't even know.
There is so much more I could say. So much more to cover but that is for another day. If I was an amazing writer I think I would sell my life story. It would be an interesting book.