Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Strong Enough

I can say life as a single mom is more challenging these early months when dealing with two children. Honestly I don't think I would consider if half as bad if I was able to manage my time better but I am struggling. Oh don't get me wrong quitting is not a option. But most days I feel like I half only halfway accomplished the stuff I needed to do if then. Welcome to motherhood. Ladies have been warning their daughters of this moment since we were old enough to know we too would someday become a mother.

Feeding hungry kids, changing diapers (and/or wiping butts if your child hasn't figured it out yet like mine), baths (giving the kids a bath is easier then getting a shower), college homework (and you know they got to overload it like people ain't got a job or kids to take care of), and work (even though I work from home there is a zero-noise tolerance). My mind seems to go on auto pilot at some point you learn to deal with the new lack of sleep and the constant demand of a child needing attention. Who ever looks like they are a well put together is lying folks. Most days my hair is sticking up looking like I was struck by lightning, my feet are black from running around barefoot, probably in some part of my pj's from the day before, praying I manage to get a shower because Lord knows if I go a day longer I might start to smell funny.

But here is the thing, I knew what I signed up for (mostly). I would change everything about my life except for my kids. I wish I had graduated from college earlier instead of going back and doing it now I could have already had an established career. I wish I had of kept the job where I made my schedule it would have been useful now. In a dream world I would get to be a single mom where all I had to do all day was focus on keeping the house decent and then kids happy and fed. I don't think that will ever happen so my mind zones in to appreciate the moments I get to give my kids of my undivided attention. The moments where my son curls up next to me to have a book read or when he looks at me and tells me I am an awesome mommy. The moments I get to spend with the baby where she is just zoned in checking out my face and something I do makes her smile or when she is snuggled against me holding onto the collar of whatever shirt or tank top I got on. I cherish those moments because I know they will only be small for a little while. If I spend all my time thinking about my next assignment or working (even if it is to pay the bills) I will miss the important things like this.

I'm not complaining my brain is just comprehending what new fact about my new life.

And while it could be easier I am definitely strong enough to manage.