Sometimes you get those rude awakenings that things aren't how they seem. That life is about to become even more real then it had already become.
Somewhere between being on maternity leave, turning in my 2 weeks notice for a new job only to be told i'm not getting it. Life got real. Rent, electric, gas, water all major things that are due and I can't pay. So job hunting has begun but the check isn't going to be enough or come fast enough.
And then I have the realization that I am an obligation almost to my brother. Lucky for me he doesn't read this. He isn't happy here and I can't blame him. But besides my kids he is the only person I have. I mean I got my parents but I don't really talk and hang out with them. I guess I leaned on him a little too heavy. I don't want to be the reason he is unhappy. And so my mind tells me I got to pull back and make sure things are done. If he leaves its just me and the kids. Sing or swim.
Right about now I kind of feel like crying and I feel like everything is falling apart but there is nothing I can do. Just keep trudging on.