Sunday, June 1, 2014

Balancing Act

It's all a little harder then expected. The whole balancing act trying to not fall behind in school, trying to balance a jealous 4 year old who wants my whole attention, a 5 week old who has to have all my attention, my parents who think I ignore them, trying to keep roof over my head.

You could say I am a little overwhelmed.

But you would never know it if you looked at me. To most people I seem to have it put together. But if you was to crack the walls you would see that I lost my mind weeks ago.

This time around is so different then raising my little boy. I ended up deciding to stop breastfeeding after Ziah wasn't gaining weight and we had a round of the thrush. Bottle-feeding became more simple in my life. I was doing night feedings but then I ended back on medication for pneumonia so that was the end.

Speaking of pneumonia I am a little worried because I am being sent to a specialist for my lung because I have had pleurisy and pneumonia off and on for a year and the ER doctor wanted to make sure it wasn't all tied together. My biological grandmother died of lung cancer. So while it may be nothing it kind of has me stressed.

I start a new job on the 16th and I will officially have no life what so ever. I will be working 3pm-12am except for Wed and Thurs when I get out of the 6 week training. I am not sure how I am going to balance school in to my life then. Part of me knows I am probably spreading myself to thin but I have to keep on moving there isn't much choice left.

Would I change my life if I could? Probably not. I could say I wish for a man who would let me stay home with the kids or for money so I didn't have to do everything. But that is not a reality....sometimes dreams are more dangerous then life.