Monday, August 6, 2012

Rants and Day 27: Love Encourages.

Be warned there is going to be ranting in this post.

Today while I was at work I got a phone call from mom telling me how much stuff Jamie had stolen from us and our neighbors. Now I have had a strong dislike for this guy because of the abuse I went through with him when I was 16 and him 26. I also know he is a theif. However for whatever the reason Chris allowed him to stay one night here and that was apparently all he needed. The ipad 2, all my old coins that I had collected since I was a freshmen in high school, dads work camera, the neighbors parents old wedding bands, guns....the list really just goes on. It is unreal. Personally I thought the ipad was gone for good, hence the few sentences on stealing. However it being a small town and Chris having the gift of gab he managed to track it down and it will in the end cost us $150 to get it back....more then what he paid for it. But Xay lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw it was back.

Now because Jamie was at our house and our lovely neighbor women and my mom cornered me to have a nice chat. I got told that I needed to straighten up, I got told that Chris was not the guy for me, and that I was disrespectful, that I needed to grow up, that I needed to stop having people over, that everyone that came in was pretty much drug addicts and blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong they did say a few things that was good advice. But I can name on my hand the few that are straightup pill heads that bring stuff to sell or trade for tattoo work. The rest are kids that come play the 360 with Chris. I hate how people assume that just because we have company that we must have some kind of party or what not. Really people? “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)

I have no problem taking advice I do have an issue in so many people sticking their nose into my relationship. The thing is I know that Chris and I aren't perfect. I know that we have some pretty bad downs and pretty amazing ups. I know our relationship and I know him. I accept it for the most part except when he gets overly hateful. One of the main things I have learned about the Love Dare is that love doesn't stop loving someone because they are a sinner. To love someone means that you will love them through everything....sometimes it might be challenging....sometimes it might not seem perfect. These older women don't see it that way...though.

Which brings me to Day 27 of the Love Dare which speaks on how our expectations of mate being set way to high and breed disappointment and cause frustration. I find that all to true with me actually. I have all theses expectations of what Chris should do that it sets me up for disappointment when he doesn't follow through. I need to be understanding that he makes mistakes and forgets things...he is only human. I need to accept that he isn't going to be the one clean the room most of the time. I need to understand that he is the only one that can change him. I have known Chris since October 2004 and I have seen him change. But rather then choosing to expect things that aren't realistic I need to live by encouragement. I need to improve myself rather then demanding him to change.

At the same time I feel like I am under constant scrutiny with him. It's kind of like walking on thin ice. One wrong spot and its BOOM its over. I can't say that the problem is just him because it isn't....it is mine too. But then again the pages talk about that too. The problem is that our attitudes get in the way and neither of us handle criticism well from each other. I take it personally when he gets mad or upset like there is something that I did wrong. He on the other hand takes that "I don't give a fuck" attitude. The Bible says, “Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble” (Isaiah 35:3). “Encourage one another and build up one another … Encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, 14).

We both hurt each other. I feel like I am about crayon size, the words go straight to the heart and I feel defeated. I want to meet his approval. And I know I have had a lot to do with this failure but I hope that someday we will be back on terms that we used to be. Back to being each other friends everyday with only those rare days of fighting rather then the other way around.


Today’s Dare
Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home.
Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much,
and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it.
Promise them you’ll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.