Thursday, July 5, 2012

Day 13: Love Fights Fair

Today's pages are about fighting fair. Something Chris nor I know how to do. Well I guess I am a step up right now from him (he quit three days in) but it don't do any good if we both can't compromise. The "Love Dare" and I agree fighting in relationship will never be avoided but it can be kept from being as damaging as it usually comes to.

I want a solution to the bad fights. And reading these past 13 days has really opened my eyes to what I need to work on myself I may not do every single dare each day but the pages themselves guide me more then you can imagine. It also leaves me very open to Chris' words in stark constrast to mine. Words hurt...a lot. Today's pages suggest that settting down and talking and setting rules for fights keeps them from going to far, these the book says are called "we boundaries."

These boundaires include:

1. We will never mention divorce.

2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.

3. We will never fight in public or in front of our children.

4. We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.

5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.

6. We will never go to bed angry with one another.

7. Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.

The book also speaks about boundaries that are called "me boundaries" which are boundaries for yourself. Which I already know from experience that setting boundaries with Chris is impossible. He never listens to the words he himself set so why would I delude myself to think he would stick to any of the above 7? So the other ones are the only ones I can apply. These boundaries from "The Love Dare" are:

1. I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19).

2. I will deal with my own issues up-front. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)

3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

The last quote from the book besides the dare of course is this, "Fighting fair means changing your weapons. Disagreeing with dignity. It should result in building a bridge instead of burning one down. Remember, love is not a fight, but it is always worth fighting for."

Today’s Dare
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement.
If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own
personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them
when the next disagreement occurs.