Monday, June 18, 2012

I'm Not Crazy

Sometimes I forget to have patience. Sometimes I feel like I am a failure. Lately I have been struggling with that cloud again. I know I need to go back to my therapist but I kind of feel embarrassed to go to her. I feel like I got so many things weighing me down that am doing so much wrong that she would think what the hell is wrong with this girl.

Like in my relationship I feel like I am a utter failure. I keep trying to do everything right but its like my emotions and hormones are on an overdrive. I been extremely angry or at a total breakdown. I find myself slipping of to the bathroom laying in the empty bathtub crying. I don't know what is right or wrong because the rules are constantly changing.

With Xay I feel like I am making slow progress. Its like I am spending more time with him and he says he wants me to stay with me more and that makes me feel awesome but I know I need to have patience with him. Its like he hears me but doesn't listen. He is in that stage where everything is funny even when it isn't and I loose my patience at times over it. I feel like I fail him when I loose my patience.

I just don't feel good. I know that off feeling and it scares me. I feel so alone because I have no one to talk to that understands and I don't just have my problems I have Chris and my parents that I stress about and Xay has been sick and he is just now getting better. I feel that want to go hide in my covers. But I ain't crazy....I hope.