Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Day 5: Love Is Not Rude

Yesterday was rocky to say the least. It was tough to keep my emotions in check because Chris was in such a raw mood. I hate hitting a brick wall and that is exactly what it felt like every time I opened my mouth. "He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him." Proverbs 27:14. I took all I could and just finally asked him to do the Love Dare with me or to just tell me that I wasn't worth it because he was pretty much making me feel like I was nothing, like I deserved nothing, like I did nothing right...and really the list of feeling goes on but I didn't list them all to him. I did manage to get the dare down way before he pulled all his stuff.

But a few seziures later he decided to agree to do the challenge with me even though I am 5 days ahead of him. I am kind of curious as to if he will actually complete it. I bet him $50 he wouldn't actually...maybe he was right I wanted to push him into it and saying he couldn't do it makes him want to prove people wrong but I hope that he is doing it because he does love me and wants this to work because truthfully if nothing changes after these 40 days I don't think I will have the heart to keep trying. I just want us to be happy and I want the love back instead of both of us being scared of being hurt by the other so our guard is always up.

Today is Day 5 and it is abot rudeness. Something he and I are both well aquainted with actually. We both have sharp tongues and though I have been working hard to leash mine over the past few days his has been running rampid. It is not healthy for our relationship for either of us to treat each other rudely or to embarrass each other. One of the things I think both hurts and embarrasses me most is when he gets me in front of a bunch of his "friends" or even our friends and he will talk down to me and say the most hurtful things I feel like hiding...found myself sitting in a lot of bathrooms crying over stuff like that. The book says, "When you allow love to change your behavior—even in the smallest ways—you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship." That is something we need. We need to have morals and we also need to be held accountable for the wrongs and apologize for them. Because I know I have hurt him and I cannot begin to ever get him to comprehend how sorry I am for that and I know he knows he hurts me but he doesn't even offer an explanation or a sorry or even just a hug when I do cry.

Todays pages also talk about how we can be totally pissed off at each other and then open the door and be a totally different person all smiles and "okay." I remember growing up watching mom do that so many times. I remember the fights her and dad use to have she would be screaming at him and then the phone ring and she would answer it all cheery like nothing had ever happened. Do I do that too? I use to say I would never be like my mom but I can say Chris and I both have done this. But if we love each other then we should put our best face forward for that person instead of being so negative and angry. Because if we don't change because we love each other then this relationship is doomed.

The Bible lessons for today was said  by King Solomon, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife" (Proverbs 25:24) so that is saying that we as woman so work hard not to quarrel but to rather live in peace and harmony. The guys lesson was "It is well with the man who is gracious" (Psalm 112:5).

So being rude either comes from ignorance or selfishness or a combination of both. I am most certainly not ignorant to the way I am supposed to act so I guess my rudeness comes from me being selfish which is something that Iam working on because I am trying to focus more on the needs of not only Chris but also Xay.

Todays pages asked us to question ourselves. How does he feel about the way I speak and act around him? Well that is easy...he believes that everything out of my mouth is laced with attitude and that I never listen to what he says. How does my behavior affect his sense of worth and self-esteem? Well he says that I treat him like he is a child and ignorant. As for the last question it was would he say I am a blessing or that I am condescending and embarrassing? I don't know the answer to that and I don't really think that I want to know considering the answers to the last two questions.

I guess there you have it folks I am a pretty crappy girlfriend...fiancee...whatever it is I am to him. Sometimes he says he will marry me others he says he hates me.

I don't however think he is the one that needs work....I think that we both need work in this area. My mantra for today will be the quote from the pages "Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard."

I will lead by example....I will stop doing the things I know make him angry and hopefully he will follow suit...that will probably happen on his day 5.

So the guiding principles listed in the "Love Dare" by Stephen and Alex Kendrick are:

"1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated (see Luke 6:31).
2. No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.
3. Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask."

I will try to remember them throughout this relatioship not just during this challenge. Now for

Day 5s Dare:
Ask your spouse to tell you three
things that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you.
You must do so without attacking them
or justifying your behavior. This is
from their perspective only.
God please give me the strength to bite my tongue when I complete this dare! Because it is hard to listen and not speak...especially when I am being critiqued.