Yesterday's dare was to not say anything negative to him and to get him something to show I was thinking of him. So I got him a card and a pack of cigerettes. I thought it was something he would use and apperciate. Guess I was fooling myself because he just got upset with me for getting the cigerettes because he had just bought a pack. He didnt even look at the card until I pointed it out much later.
I can't say much about my feelings on it because the only thing I really felt was hurt. It was like it didn't matter, the thank you was given much later as almost an after thought. I ain't doing this for a pat on the back or praise of any kind. I am doing this because I want to save this relationship. I don't want the life of arguing and being at each others throats but it is harder then I expected. I guess I wasn't prepared for him to be negative constantly.
I have to say I miss the warmth and the welcomed feeling I use to feel from him. I miss being held, I miss feeling loved, I miss being able to talk to him feely. I guess I miss "us" because there really isn't an us right now. There is him and I, randomly we might connect but no where close to what we use to have.
So today is Day 4 and todays lesson is Love is Thoughtful.
"If a couple doesn’t understand this about one another, the fallout can result in endless disagreements. He’s frustrated wondering why she speaks in riddles and doesn’t just come out and say things. She’s frustrated wondering why he’s so inconsiderate and doesn’t add two and two together and just figure it out." This quote from the book was so true. I can relate this to more then one situation.
I have always said love is about meeting in the middle, about compromise and respect. Todays pages taught me no different. It teaches that its the mans duty to listen to his woman and to be thoughtful of the unspoken messages we as women send while it is our job to be truthful when talking and go say what we mean not having a double standard.
As it said anger and frustration usually happens instead of being mindful of each other and thinking of the consequences only after the damage is done. Truly loving someone teaches you to think before you speak and places a filter of truth kindness on your words.
I believe that is mainly where Chris and I are stuck. Communication has come to a stand still because anger is the driving force of our communication and it is frustrsting because since I started this whole thing I have been trying to reach out and talk to him but anger surrounds him like a cloak and his tongue is a sharp as a razor blade cutting straight to the bone. I have been praying that it will get better.
Day 4s Dare:
Contact your spouse sometime during
the business of the day. Have no agenda
other than asking how he or she
is doing and if there is anything
you could do for them.