Thursday, February 16, 2012

Tossing A Few Vitamins In The Mix

I have been away for awhile now....I have the Blogger thumbnail on my bookmark toolbar that I look at everyday yet I could not bring myself to make that one simple click. If I don't come here daily I feel like I can never catch up with updating because so much stuff happens in just the 3 weeks in between my therapist visits let alone 3 months since I last updated this. I mean, since I started work I have all but abandoned this blog and my life has been an extreme roller coaster that I am still trying to wrap my mind around what just happened before all of a sudden I am upside down type stuff.

I relapsed with my depression, broke up with David, got back together with Chris, and got real sick with bronchitis and sinusitis for about 4 weeks throw in a round of strip throat, and ear infections and you got a me falling apart.  Literally, I feel like I have a body of someone twice my age. Kind of scary...really at 22, I should be my best shape. I look at this picture I have of myself from 3 years ago in my bathroom and I see it everyday and think: I want to be her again. It is a work in progress because I truthfully over the last 2 weeks I have really been thinking what if....what if this is more then just me being depressed. Because come on people let's be real I have no reason to be...

I got a smart, wonderful, independent, mouthy, bratty, temper-tantrum laying on the floor style, selective hearing, loving son and I got my parents who really do mean well no matter how much I resist to admit that aloud because Lord knows I would never hear the end of it. They have pretty much been raising Xay for me the last year and a half and while there has been a lot of complications, miscommunication, we now have an understanding that I am momma but mamaw and papaw all live together. Kinda like the Obama's but I got both my parents.

Honestly, I am just trying to remain positive because I have been looking at all the negative what-if's and the past, to scared to step up and step into the future...that maybe all this depression and anxiety is my body and my mind shutting down because I am scared.

I don't know in reality how the brain works or any of the science stuff, I don't know all the technical names for medicine or anything in particular but this little nagging voice keeps pushing me towards vitamins and so that is where you see me at tonight pouring over websites to make sure I don't kill myself by taking to many these things. I mean literally I will be starting as of tomorrow to take 7 vitamins a day, I dropped the Buspar they had me on yesterday, and I am now on 40mg of Paxel instead of Prozac. When you start looking at the side effects to Paxel and I started writing down what my symptoms were you would see why I am trying to jump of the ship....but only the right way.

What is the right way? Well first off let me join the rest of the smart people and say don't quit cold turkey....its nasty...and don't try by skipping a day to cut back...just throws you into withdraws over and over. Antidepressants are a bitch....its a love / hate relationship. The Celexa I quit cold turkey and it was horrible, the prozac I skipped doses and ended up quitting cold turkey neither of which seemed to bother me. But something about this Paxel has me feeling edgy like I am poking a blob of unknown substance not really quite sure what it is but it seems since it appeared things have been getting worse physically with me then before. So I haven't messed with my dosage yet but eventually I want to go from 40 mg tapered down to nothing.

This is my: Week 1 - Adding Vitamins to the mix.

So as of right now I am looking over these many pill bottles thinking I am might be crazy trading 2 pills for 7 but can Vitamins be considered pills on the same level as Paxel? I am not really sure of that answer and it is one that kind of nags me. But anyways I have been doing a lot of research about what causes depression and what are some alternative medicine (because the Galbraith Gatewood Memorial Medical Marijuana Act hasn't made it Senate yet) is to fix it. And I saw a lot of stuff that said Omega 3's and the vitamin B's can cause depression if you don't have enough of them. And a friend told me also to take D3 for depression. So I went to Wal-Mart stared at the shelves for a while and began to collect what I needed.

Neatha's Daily Vitamins
Iron - 1 pill daily
Super B-Complex - 1 pill daily
Caltrate - 2 pills daily
Pronutrients Omega 3 - 2 pills daily

Here's hoping tomorrow is as good as today was or better!