Saturday, May 28, 2011

Anxiety Attacks

Living with depression and anxiety is not easy.

It is not fun.

I say this because as I sit here my fingers numbly typing I am still shaky from the aftermath of my second anxiety attack. It is a very strange realization when your chest starts to tighten. I thought that it wasn't going to turn into what it did. But then I got to Chris and mine friends house and all hope was lost. My breath started coming shorter, I was nervous and couldn't stop shaking and tapping my foot as we sat there. Finally I could take no more and I went to the bathroom where I proceeded for no apparent reason to my brain to begin to cry and rock.

Why?

I always thought that it would never really happen to me. I thought I was okay. And I forgot to take my meds.

But I was okay earlier.

We have Steven (Chris's nephew) who we brought home last night from Ohio. He is a great kid well behaved and a quick learner. He love to be by my moms side because she has all the animals and gardening. But that isn't my point.

We took Xay and Steven to Lexi's 8th birthday (Chris's daughter). We was good till Xay began to get sleepy and meltdown. Then we got home had a few errands to run so we dropped the kids off with mom who took them to the store. Later we took Steven with us and some of our friends to drop them off at their house and go to our friends house and as I was driving between places that was when I started feeling it come on.

Maybe it is stress?

I mean I officially have $0 and am $11000 thanks to credit cards and student loans. But I don't mind the student loan part. But the $8000 in credit card debt is stupidity on my part. Life is fast paced and these mountains don't have a lot of jobs. We are in the process of looking for a new home in another town and life is crazy.

But I still don't feel BAD.....I mean I feel tired but I had been feeling good (when I am not chasing kids lol in which I become very tired).

It's confusing to me.