Saturday, April 16, 2011

Happy Pills and Backaches

I often wonder when I am defending my reason for being on these happy pills if I am making the right choice. And then I remember those really bad days when I didn't take my meds, I remember the way my body felt wore down and I felt like it was me against the world, that I was a horrible mom, and in turn it made me a horrible girlfriend.

Chris doesn't like that fact that I am now 15 days back into the cycle of these meds. He remember the celexa days when I just didn't feel at all. Really different meds effect different people different ways. Just because the prozac I am on works for me doesn't mean it will for you. Celexa was the first pill they put me on and it made me more crazy then what I was normally. I feel more normal now like I actually care about what is happening around me and I have been getting Xay out a lot more and taking him with me. It is a slow healing process because this has been going on for 8 months. I can't just jump in and say I am all better here I am because I am not. I still haven't went back to my therapist....I know I should but I really want to find someone who connects more on my level then what she did. I don't know how that will work but maybe it is something I will check in to later.

So as of right now the score is Me - 1 Depression - 2. It's kicked my butt twice but I am on the road to recovery....hopefully.

On other news my back is all messed up. A few weeks ago I went to my chiro and he took x-rays that showed I had a slight scoliosis and that my hips were uneven (one was slightly higher then the other). I reckon I am out of alignment but he isn't a very hands on type so I need to have a communication with him because my lower back has been constantly hurting and it gets worse if I stand or walk for long periods or if I back Xay. Now I was wondering if perhaps having a 30lb baby on my hip might have something to do with my perdiciment. Just one more thing for me to figure out.

We are officially broke too. The tattoo shop that Chris works for was supposed to be open like 16 days ago and they are still trying to put the finish touches and they say they might now open until Tuesday. It is a very frustrating situation for all parties involved and tension is kind of getting high. We need the money and right now there is none available here and with gas prices at $3.85 a gallon it is hard to do anything. Pray for better times for us and pray God will allow a relocation soon for our family. Because things just can't keep happening the way they are now.