Monday, December 27, 2010

All My Fault

I haven't been on here as much as I used to. I haven't been doing a lot that I used to lately truthfully. I seem to be walking around in a haze day to day. Either calm or depressed or mad. Life is like at a stand still I am to that point in my life where I want to do so much but there are so many things and so many people holding on to me like I have chains tying me down.

The old meds they had me on was screwing with me so the moved me to the new meds and so far they are better then the old ones but the depression is causing my moods to swing from one extreme to nothing.

I am so tired with how my life is. I pretty much stepped back from my son and am trying to repair the shambles that my life is in. And I feel like I have failed him. He should have always been my first priority and I feel like I was really selfish over the last 5 months. My mom takes care of him....and he holds on to her....and runs to her and each time my heart shatters a little bit more and it is my own fault.

This whole mess is all my fault.

So where do I go from here? I really don't know. I don't have any answers. All I can hope is the upcoming new year brings a better year then this one.