Thursday, October 7, 2010

Horrible Mom

I feel like a horrible mom.

I was doing good tonight, felt okay even though there was some minor upsets today. I got Xay and was rocking him and we were doing great until I laid him down. I even tried bringing him to bed with me. No matter what I tried he would wake up in mere minutes after I stopped rocking. After the fourth time of this process I decided to go downstairs and get a sippy for him. Of course you have to walk right past my moms door and unfortunately for me her door was open so she asks after Xay and he stopped crying and practically leaps outta my arms to her.

I felt like my heart was shattered.

This is my fault.

My fault for not being okay, for not being around like I should, for not being the mom I was, for being inadequate...

I feel like I have been selfish and that I shouldn't be worried about myself.

I feel like I have lost my son and now I gotta work to get him back from my moms control.

Hello ppd this is gonna be a long night.