Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Lessons learned

Things seems to be so crazy as of late. PJ and Rob both moved out of the house which is a good thing and Chris stays around the house a lot. I took PJ for child support because he made me so angry and told him when he decided to come around his son more and helped pay for diapers that I would drop child support.

Honey Festival happened this past weekend. Xay got to see his first parade his eyes got so big it was priceless. I worked some for one of the booths to make some money to spend. It turned out to be a really nice weekend. Chris had his daughter a good chunk of Saturday and Sunday and we spent the afternoon doing what she wanted to do. He is really good with her it is precious.

Speaking of good with it kind of makes me sad that he is so good with Xay because I see how he takes care of him and totes him around and calls him his little buddy. Things that PJ should be doing all along. I know that it has taken Chris awhile to straighten his life out but his daughter has always been the most important thing to him.

As for me well I am starting to give in to all the stress. I have bouts of being utterly depressed....actually there is always an edge around me but for the most part I keep it off. There has just been so many changes so fast and I am having trouble keeping my footing. I am still focused on school and Xay but now I also have to find another job.

Then of course there comes the fact that my mom wants to move three hours away from here. I have to decide what is best for me because Chris is not going to move that far away from his daughter and I would never ask for him too either. So if I am going to stay I need to look for an apartment or house and if I am going to go then I should not let myself get attached to Chris.

But the thing is folks is that I have held on to this man for 6 years. Through tons of bull crap, through him hitting rock bottom, till now. The Chris that stands before me today is only a hint of what he used to be. He has grown into a man and I am quite proud of him.

PJ is going through that growing stage the problem was that I wasn't willing to go through all the stuff. I had been through it to many times and I didn't believe that I deserved or that my son deserved to go through it.

So here I am. At the moment I am a single college mom. It isn't easy and I most certainly did not see my life like this but I am here and I have no regrets just lessons learned.