Thursday, July 29, 2010

Sick Thursday

I still need to post the meeting Sam post but that will have to wait till I feel better.

Life had been going pretty routine. I have about reached my last straw with PJ and today just might be a catalyst to what will happen for the future.

As you all know I have been on a mild diet / exercise plan. Pretty much anything I want as long as less than or equal to 1550. Which is 50 less then the recommended calories for breastfeeding. Now I wasn't to concerned because I only breastfeed at night and was ready to quit. Anyways I normally eat withing the zone I am supposed to but yesterday I was really aggravated so I forgot to eat a lot. So I yesterday 6pc chicken mcnugget with bbq sauce, half a pack of mini cheez-its, a bite of roast, 1 small glass bottle of pepsi, and lots of water.

Today I wake up and feel horrible. I am shaky, feel sick to my stomach...just horrible. My sugar used to drop when I work 5am shift at McDonald's and this was exactly the same feeling. I drank some water before I realized what exactly was wrong. But I didn't have my glucose level checker thing so I didn't know how low it was. I told PJ to watch the baby so I could go downstairs to eat. Took a couple drinks of apple juice and pepsi and by that time mom was awake asking me if I was up and I went and laid down with her and told her what was going on and she got me a cookie which I took a bite of (not that big of fan of her cookie things) and then she made some toast with jelly I took one bite and knew I was going to be sick. I didn't have much in my stomach just what I ate that morning and then the yellow icky acid stuff started coming up. By that time I knew I need something for the naseau so I would be able to get liquids down. So off to the doctor my mom, Xay, and I go. PJ had came downstairs and laid on moms bed and proceeded to go to sleep while I was in the bathroom. So this doctor is the stupid doctor I have ever went to...ever! Maybe just money hungry....he done some tests that could have been passed if he had of asked me the proper questions and didn't really tell me what was wrong. He gave me Meclizine, Ranitidine, and Promethazine (only if the other meds fail). I am not allowed to breastfeed while taking the meds or 3 days after I stop. So I hope I am better tomorrow.

Anyways while feeling crapy I feel highly aggravated too. PJ says he loves me and Xay and how he wants to be a family...blah blah blah. But the truth is my mom and I still take care of 98% of all Xay's needs. The 2% PJ does do is because I bagger him till he does. That is not how being a dad is supposed to be. My idea of a dad is someone who does check his child's diaper without being told, who doesn't complain when asked to watch his child, who will feed his child, and just generally be a partner. When I need a break it should be PJ and not my mom who steps up to the plate.

Then there is the fact that his attitude has been HORRIBLE the last month. He has cussed at me, screamed at me, made fat jokes, snapped at my mom...just being a jerk. Let me say that I am absolutely fed up. Today was the last straw and the fact that he just stormed out and slammed the door because I wouldn't say who I was txting doesn't help his case. You see PJ has gotten into this habit of staying out till 1-3am. So that means he sleeps as long as I let him. But today when I really needed him to help he doesn't. My mom came up to get Xay and apparently PJ let him cry for so long before he picked him up that he was snubbing. Then PJ came downstairs and instead of staying up and watching Xay while I was sick and mom helped me (and she also needed to go to work). Then when I did get home because mom and I both knew I would get no rest if PJ kept the baby she took him on her paper route.

What kind of guy does that?

I realize now that I deserve better then how I am being treated and my son (while I will never replace PJ)  needs someone to be a role model. I am to my wits end and I think that it is time PJ and his brother find somewhere else to live.