Saturday, June 19, 2010

If It Isn't One Mom It's The Other

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My mom. Sigh

I love my mom because she raised me, loved me, and takes care of me. My mother will do for others whatever she can....

But it comes with a price.

You see my mom is as I have mentioned before all about control especially when it comes to me. But it is not limited to me or dad; she likes to control everyone she has regular contact with.

So I had to stop and wonder what her childhood must have really been like. So I asked...not her of course. But boy did I end up with more information then my mom ever wanted me to know and let me tell you the blinders really came off.

You see when my grandparents got married, my grandfather moved my granny into his deceased mothers house and on the same farm in a seperate but close house lived his two spinster sisters and brother. The sisters were very much about nerves being "nervous" and control. When granny (who was never good enough for their brother) had my mom they took mom to their house to raise.

Dun dun dun.....

My mom was a absolute spoiled nightmare! She got whatever she wanted if it was a chicken at 3am then they would go out to the hen house and get all she had to do was stand in the middle of the floor and cry and scream a little.

If never corrected bad behaviour will remain and grow. Grow it did. Apparently when she hit 12-13 she started realizing if she could scare them with her fists and would pull back to him the and sometimes would. By 16 she added cussing at them too. Anything to get what she wanted.

I was blown away. But that wasn't the worst part.

So I found out the reasons of moms previous marriage breakdowns. Her power/control issues. My grandfather once said (behind moms back) that "John Boggs must be a saint to put up with Martha." I none many decades after that came to the same conclusion on my own. My mom has cost my dad so much. Cost him his family, his spark for life, his happiness, a career. My mom has wore him down till he spineless in the face of her. Convinced him that he is stupid. My dad deserves better. You see he used to be in the air force because mom forced him (with threats of suicide) to go Awol. He was a air craft load master and would have most likely made a career of that. My dad was good at radio till he has his stroke and then in moms eyes he was invalid. My mom hated my papaw sure she took him in but my mom will doing anything to help someone but that doesn't mean she won't complain...a lot. But she talked to him pretty bad at times and she started treating dad even worse. The fights (typically one sided) got louder and more frequent before papaw died. After that mom convinced dad that his sister shouldn't get any of the money. Because in moms opinion she didn't do anything free to help papaw and she wanted the car. So I would assume after dealing with it for so long like most people my Aunt stopped talking to us and seeing us. To me I dont see why such a big deal was made. To me it makes sense that since we had a new car at the time why not just give the car that was papaws that was no us to us to my aunt who needed it. It was her dads and she was entitled to it. When papaw died the money that was left over from the funeral expenses should have been spilt.

I work hard to stay nuetral in matters of the family but I do stand up for my dad when mom gets to bad. I feel that a great in justice has been done to my dad and the damage is far to great to be repaired.

But that isn't all...

You see mom never likes to take responsibility for her actions and choices. Everything thing bad that happens is always someone elses fault.

When I was like 2 my mom took me to compete in a fair pageant. It was held in the middle of a cow field in a tent. Like any kid where there is big tent poles I swung around them. I can actually remember that. My mom made me stop and in started to cry for my daddy. I believe she even might have taken me on stage and I cried. She got mad. I don't really know what happened besides walking back across the field. Now my mom is always quick to tell this story because how "She got me turned in for child abuse." Apparently it was my fault I cried. But what she never tells and what I didn't know was the my mom got arrested that night. Court ordered to take anger management classes and then decided to move someplace where know one knew her.

Sound familiar?

Hello Jackson. Yup. So moving to Jackson has always been daddys fault. He took the job it was his fault. But that is simply not true.

I know that I'm airing a lot of my moms skeletons in her closet but the truth is I just don't care. I love my mom but from what I learned and seeing how she treats others when I step back and look well. I believe that I have let my mom dictate my life for far to long and I refuse to turn into another drone of hers.

The line has been drawn.

I have dreams even though she never supports them I will achieve them.

I have rules for my son and everyone but her is on the bandwagon so she need to get on or else (and believe me my or elses are always drastically worse).

If she wants to act like a two year old then she shall be treated like one.

It is time to take matters into my own hands. Slowly.

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