Friday, May 28, 2010

Mind sorting

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So I finally know what it is I want. I mean PJ and I have been "broken up" but still "talking" for almost two months. And that is fine. I mean honestly I am not looking for a relationship at this point. I hear a quote on Oprah and I like it "you can't have peace until you have all the pieces." At this moment in my life I do not have all the pieces. Which is what I am trying to gather before I jump back into the saddle of dating. But PJ is a persistant dude. I mean I honestly would have thought that he would have found another girl. I mean really and maybe he has but doesn't say. Who knows I really don't stress about it. I mean like I told him I love him and he is always going to be a part of my life but I am not convinced that he is "the one."

So I told him what I wanted and here is what I said:

I want a man. I want someone who will go to Church, believes in God and will work to get their life straight and who will hold me accountable in my faith. I want my life to be straight....people like Shaina and Carl, Jeremy and Amanda, Mark and Mary that is what love is supposed to be like...what marriage is supposed to be like.

I want someone who will be the dad that my kids will want to go to for help. That they can look up as a role model. Like hey that guy worked hard, he had faith in God and was a good man.

I want someone I can count on. Who will be by my side when it comes to making decisions. I want someone who can have a intellegent conversation with me. Not just about work but about history, current events, politics and stuff like that.

I want someone I can count on to take care of family first. Who understands that bills and kids come before anything else.

And I refuse to settle for anything less.

The truth is I know I am not perfect and unless I have someone holding me accountable I tend to backslide. Some days worse then others. I need someone who is a good influence and who will hold be accountable like I said. PJ is always going to be Xay's dad. I can't and wouldn't change that. But that does not mean PJ will be my guy either. And that is something I have learned.

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