Saturday, April 3, 2010

The End.

I pleaded, begged, talked, demanded, asked, held on, tried, and finally gave up.

I wanted to make us work for our son. I wanted to make us work because I know what kind of man I know he will be someday. But the truth is that he isn't there yet. He isn't what I need him to be and he won't be probably for several years.

If you haven't figured it out yet...I broke up with PJ. The day before my birthday and 3 days before I year and 8 month anniversary. I feel absolutely crappy about it. I feel like I am letting Xadrian down.

I knew when we got together that we weren't a forever thing. Then we lasted and I thought maybe this will work out. Then stuff happened, he sent naked pictures to another chick, he kissed to different girls, he lied, and all the while I gave him chances. Lots and lots of chances. Because that is the type of person I am.

I know that PJ has had a rough life. I know that he hasn't had the life I had. I knew that he wasn't mature. But I thought when Xay was born that would change. I thought he would step up and take responsibility and that he would be what his son and I needed. He did get a job which I am still proud of him for keeping. As for taking responsibility...he doesn't have his priorities straight. It took me years and having a baby for me to get mine all lined out. But I dunno.

He asked me if I had someone else and I don't. I think that the best thing for me to do is stay single, finish college, and get my life together. I owe it to Xay to get my life straight before trying this whole relationship stuff again. As for PJ I told him when he showed me that he had grown up and was ready to take responsibility that we might try again. Do I have hope that it will happen any time soon? Not really but there is always a 50/50 chance.

Happy 21st birthday to me. *sighs*


  1. I'm proud of you girlie, even though I know this is rough. I really, REALLY feel like this is the right decision for you. I love you, I'm praying for you, and I'm here if you need me. Call me anytime.

    Oh, and happy early birthday... even though I know you don't feel like celebrating.

  2. I'm sorry to read of your split. The timing however bittersweet, might be very well in line with what you need as you enter a new year of life: a fresh start. I wish you strength and a very happy birthday.


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