Saturday, April 3, 2010

The End.

3 comments
I pleaded, begged, talked, demanded, asked, held on, tried, and finally gave up.

I wanted to make us work for our son. I wanted to make us work because I know what kind of man I know he will be someday. But the truth is that he isn't there yet. He isn't what I need him to be and he won't be probably for several years.

If you haven't figured it out yet...I broke up with PJ. The day before my birthday and 3 days before I year and 8 month anniversary. I feel absolutely crappy about it. I feel like I am letting Xadrian down.

I knew when we got together that we weren't a forever thing. Then we lasted and I thought maybe this will work out. Then stuff happened, he sent naked pictures to another chick, he kissed to different girls, he lied, and all the while I gave him chances. Lots and lots of chances. Because that is the type of person I am.

I know that PJ has had a rough life. I know that he hasn't had the life I had. I knew that he wasn't mature. But I thought when Xay was born that would change. I thought he would step up and take responsibility and that he would be what his son and I needed. He did get a job which I am still proud of him for keeping. As for taking responsibility...he doesn't have his priorities straight. It took me years and having a baby for me to get mine all lined out. But I dunno.

He asked me if I had someone else and I don't. I think that the best thing for me to do is stay single, finish college, and get my life together. I owe it to Xay to get my life straight before trying this whole relationship stuff again. As for PJ I told him when he showed me that he had grown up and was ready to take responsibility that we might try again. Do I have hope that it will happen any time soon? Not really but there is always a 50/50 chance.

Happy 21st birthday to me. *sighs*

3 comments :

  1. I'm proud of you girlie, even though I know this is rough. I really, REALLY feel like this is the right decision for you. I love you, I'm praying for you, and I'm here if you need me. Call me anytime.

    Oh, and happy early birthday... even though I know you don't feel like celebrating.

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  2. I'm sorry to read of your split. The timing however bittersweet, might be very well in line with what you need as you enter a new year of life: a fresh start. I wish you strength and a very happy birthday.

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