I pleaded, begged, talked, demanded, asked, held on, tried, and finally gave up.
I wanted to make us work for our son. I wanted to make us work because I know what kind of man I know he will be someday. But the truth is that he isn't there yet. He isn't what I need him to be and he won't be probably for several years.
If you haven't figured it out yet...I broke up with PJ. The day before my birthday and 3 days before I year and 8 month anniversary. I feel absolutely crappy about it. I feel like I am letting Xadrian down.
I knew when we got together that we weren't a forever thing. Then we lasted and I thought maybe this will work out. Then stuff happened, he sent naked pictures to another chick, he kissed to different girls, he lied, and all the while I gave him chances. Lots and lots of chances. Because that is the type of person I am.
I know that PJ has had a rough life. I know that he hasn't had the life I had. I knew that he wasn't mature. But I thought when Xay was born that would change. I thought he would step up and take responsibility and that he would be what his son and I needed. He did get a job which I am still proud of him for keeping. As for taking responsibility...he doesn't have his priorities straight. It took me years and having a baby for me to get mine all lined out. But I dunno.
He asked me if I had someone else and I don't. I think that the best thing for me to do is stay single, finish college, and get my life together. I owe it to Xay to get my life straight before trying this whole relationship stuff again. As for PJ I told him when he showed me that he had grown up and was ready to take responsibility that we might try again. Do I have hope that it will happen any time soon? Not really but there is always a 50/50 chance.
Happy 21st birthday to me. *sighs*