Tuesday, February 2, 2010

My momma

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So I have added yet another food to the list of "do no eat while breastfeeding." Homemade chili...not even spicy because my mom can't eat it like that. So yeah I was up all night with my son crying from gas. I was SUPPOSED to go to work at 8am...well 9:30am because the college was on delay but it just didn't happen. I maybe got all of 4 hours of sleep between 11pm-9:45am. I finally once I realized Xadrian was up for the day took him to my mom and got a few hours of much needed sleep.

So with that said I find myself reflecting on my who living situation. What would I do if I did not live with my parents or did not have my mom for that matter? The fact is she is 68 years old and while I wish she could she isn't going to live forever. My mom has been my protector, my support, the object of my anger, but she is still my mom and is the one person I can count on to be there for me no matter what. What would I do without her? I have no idea. See while she and I may not always agree and sometimes I have some pretty bad fights over our difference of opinions I still depend on her heavily. I am going to be 21 this year and have never live away from her heck I can count the number of times I have stayed the night without her on my hands! And now with the baby I find myself leaning on her even more because PJ isn't here normally to help me. So where would I be right now if I didn't have her? I most certainly would not be in school most likely, my son would be with a babysitter or in daycare and I would be working a lot. The very idea of those things make me cringe. I know my mom and I have different ideas about how to raise Xadrian but I know that when he is with her he is taken care of, that I can do what I need to get done without worrying about him.

Everyone tells me I need to leave, and while I do admit there are times would I would love to move out of her house. I really really don't want to. Am I scared? Maybe a little. But mainly I love my mom....and the thought of her not being around in a few years or however long keeps me firmly planted with her. Does that make sense? I am fiercely protective of her it's one thing if I say something to her but it's another thing when someone else harasses her. I am spoiled I will admit and the rate she is going my son is going to possibly be even more spoiled then I am. But I wouldn't trade these years for anything. And while I have my moments of complaints and anger against her I love her dearly and am quite happy with staying with her for the foreseeable future.

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