Saturday, January 9, 2010

Pride, Fears, and School...what is the world coming to?

 I have been slacking on posting...actually, I have been slacking on getting on the computer period. It seems I have great ideas but never quite follow through.

So I got a email telling me this was my last shot with college. Because of where I had dropped so many classes even though they were a withdraw they consider it "failing" and so yeah I got moved to probation 2 so I have GOT to pass all my classes this semester. Am I confident? Um....maybe? I am taking ENG 102 which is pass, the teacher likes my work so it should be a real easy A. Then I am taking Appalachian Studies 2 which is also a pass I should get a B in it I took his first Appalachian Studies class and it was boring but easy....though I think I passed with a B in that class too. My last two classes I am not so sure about. I think that I should get a low B in Human Potential....but heck I don't even know what the heck this class is about. All I know is I could take it instead of pyschology and so I jumped on board. My final has be worried. It is Intro to Conservation Biology. Now while I think the class should be easy the teacher does strictly definitions to memorize and these aren't even in the book....they are HIS definitions. This has me worried....because I SUCK at remembering things. So I have not to find my niche because I got to pass I am going to shoot for a C but if I do better then heck yeah!

So people have been telling me how proud they are of me. Proud of me for sticking with school, for taking care of my baby, for working, for just doing what I need to get done and still shooting high for what I want in life even though I am a young mommy. It's really strange because I can count on my fingers how many times my parents or any relatives have told me they are proud of me. So you know when someone says that it makes me all warm and fuzzy because I question myself nonstop. Am I doing the right things? Am I making the right choices? You know? It is just really hard and sometimes I feel like just giving up but if I do then I am letting everyone done....but the one person that matters is this little boy laying in my lap. That is my drive right now I want him to know that you don't have to give up when things don't go according to plans...and I strive to make sure he knows that I am gonna be proud of him.

In all honesty it is going to kill me leaving him. I finally got a breastpump from the health department in the county over. I have been pumping a bottle a day to make sure he has food. If I am at work mom can bring him to me to be fed but if I am at class then she has to give him a bottle. My schedule is now probably going to look like this:

Bio 122 = 9:30am-10:45am
PY 185 = 11:00am-12:15pm
ENG 102 = 3:30pm-4:45pm


work = 8:00am-12:00pm
work = 1:00pm-6:00pm

Bio 122 = 9:30am-10:45am
PY 185 = 11:00am-12:15pm
ENG 102 = 3:30pm-4:45pm

I still cannot work Thursdays due to everyone working so I have to be home to take care of Xadrian.


Hum 203 = 9:00am - 11:40am
work = 12:00pm-4:00pm

And while I will be home on weekends and a good amount of most days I am still going to be gone a lot and I have had almost a month to get used to being with him all the time and it's scary having to leave him. What all am I going to miss? But at the same time I am excited to have a life outside this house...I have had no social interaction most of the time and I hate that! So its a win lose situation.

When I started this post I had a reason behind it and now I have totally forgotten so I am going to end here and hopefully post again within the next 48 hours.



  1. I'm coming by from Shoulders--I'm later than the others, I know, but after reading your posts, I wanted to say you sound like an amazing person! To do all your doing is a challenge, but so worth it. Your little boy is going to thank you some day for having him and doing all you do to press on in life.

    God bless!

  2. Good luck Neatha. What a beautiful name! I hope you will stick with college. I think you will have so many more opportunities in life with that degree. It is hard to leave your baby though, isn't it? What a sweetie!


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