Monday, January 11, 2010

Passion

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I consider myself a Christian. But I am also a sinner. I have tried several times to cut it all out on my life....sometimes I backslide rather largely and other times I keep to my word. I don't pray regularly and I have struggled in my faith and still I find myself yearning for it. I want to know God in the way that some people I know or even some people who have blogs I follow do. But how? I am still struggling to figure that out. Yeah I go to Church every Sunday...but that isn't enough. I feel like God is telling me something and I am missing it. Maybe I am not listening closely or maybe what he is saying I just don't want to hear. But at the same time does it make sense that I have this deep sense of need to know him? I want my son to grow up to be a strong Christian. Like then young men in my Church who has such as deep set faith. I want my son to be like that. But I have to be a role model for that right? And I am trying but the people I surround myself with don't help....actually I think they hinder it. So what do I do? I just don't know but I am trying to figure it out. Before I had Xay I didn't care. Now I do I would love to be able to go on mission trips but again my faith is not that strong or is it? Am I just fooling myself in believing that I am not good enough because of the mistakes I made? No. I just don't want to screw up....I want to be able to look back and say I had that passion for God. Now I just gotta make those words the truth. What brought about this post? Well honestly it has been on my heart for a long time. But when I read about Mckmama going to Kenya for such a trip. That just touched something in me. My preacher Mark has been talking about being ready to answer when God calls. He said they as Christians we are prepared but not many of us are ready. I want to know what it is that God wants me to do because there is something that I am meant to do. I know that I want to work with kids but is that what God wants me to do? I need to get serious and really pray about it. But in the mean time I want you all to go check out Compassion Bloggers. Maybe God will lay something on your heart too.

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