Sunday, November 22, 2009

My big brother

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So I can't get back to sleep. My big brother (David) called at a quarter till 6 this morning and was drunk and he talked to me for a little over an hour. Before he left for Iraq he used to always call me when he was drunk. He really talks then and I don't mind because he isn't a talkative person when he is sober. He is like me except I put all my feelings and thoughts in words here or on my livejournal a rather then keep them locked up.

He is in a tell all mood though tonight and it felt so awesome to hear him say he was proud of me and that he loved me. It means a lot to me. I

You know being adopted and not being around him until his 17th birthday makes a impact. I feel like I missed so much time with him and that can never be replaced. When I did meet him we didn't really connect until he joined the army and then he deployed for Iraq and I felt like if something happened to him that it would hurt even worse because I didn't have that chance to get to know him like I would like. I still don't know him like I want but I know more about what's going on currently then most of our family. And I like it that way...that's selfish of me. Growing up I was an only child and I hated it. Mom assumed I always wanted a sister but honestly I wanted a big brother. Someone who could protect me, and that I could look up to. I know David is there the best he can be considering he is at Fort Hood in Texas. But I do look up to him and I am so proud of him. And I don't like sharing him at all. Haha he better be glad he doesn't date cuz I would be so hard in his girlfriends unless they passed my standards and I doubt any girl could hold up to my expectations for what he deserves and that is only the best.

He signed back up for the Army for 4 more years. It scares me because I know he will be deployed to Afganistan twice but I will be strong for him and support him because he decided what's best for him.

He wants me to come spend a weekend with him before he deploys. I already know the fight I will have with mom. She doesn't let me go an hour and a half to Lexington without her let alone Texas. But I will fight for it....if it was anyone else it wouldn't be worth the trouble but this is my big brother. My biggest thing is I don't want to leave my son. I mean yeah I know mom and PJ would take care of him but still. Thinking about leaving him overnigt makes my heart stop let alone leaving him for a weekend. But I will be strong. I also know the argument that will happen with PJ but I really don't care. If he wants to act stupid about me seeing my brother then he can just find another girl. I will be 21 in April it's time I did something without having mom standing over me. The idea if flying scares me though cause I have never been on a plane.

Anyways I am going to try and get some more rest I got church at 10-12 then maybe going back to the flea market with mom this time and then I got a baby shower at 3 to go to so it is going to be a busy day.




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