Monday, November 9, 2009

Money and elimination

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Laying in bed next to my son seems like the most perfect place in the world. He is growing so quickly it scares me! I mean it's like you blink and something has changed. But he is absolutely perfect at least to his dad, grandparents, and I. God couldn't have blessed me anymore.

Today was PJ's 19th birthday. I felt bad because I couldn't get him anything besides his cake but diapers and bills take the majority of my money and Christmas is around the corner and I do all my shopping on Black Friday so spending right now is rather tight which is why I am back to work rather then staying with Xadrian like I would like to do. PJ is hopefully going to get on at Sykes; he goes for the drug test and job offer tomorrow morning. If he does then a huge weight will be off my shoulders unless they raise his child support for Anya which is possible. Honestly I wish that Stacy would realize that he would help a lot more with Anya if she would drop child support but that is highly unlikely. But there will come a day that he won't put up with it anymore and I am going to sit back and laugh because I signed off so he won't have to pay child support on Xay.

I need to sleep really...I sleep so light now since Xay was born. We have a bassinett right next to the bed all i got to do is roll slightly to get himbut he sleeps next to me in our bed. So I am constantly checking him through the night to make sure he is breathing. I am so scared that something will happen while I am asleep and I think that is one of the reasons he is now in the big bed with PJ and I. But the other reason is nine times out of ten I am simply to lazy to get up to feed him when I can simply roll over and flop my boob out and feed him since we got the groove of laying down to eat. It does help that he now wakes up only 3 times at night to feed. Though I have to eliminate things from my diet because something I am eating daily is causing him gas issues. So we are starting with caffiene and chocolate elimation....dear God give me stength because this will be the hardest week ever consider I consume a lot of caffiene.


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