Monday, October 12, 2009

Work + Pregnancy = Deep Thoughts

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Sitting here mining the front desk at the College Library (which for those who don't know is where I currently work thanks to work study) I find myself in a bit of a daze. I know that I should be making a effort to work a little bit harder then what I am yet at the same time I just cannot bring myself to actually do the effort. I should not, however, complain about being able to have such an easy job. I mean at least I can come back to work within two weeks after Xay is born (not working is not a option) and I work two hours get off an hour then work two more hours and am off for the day and that is only 4 days a week. Which means I am not making a lot of money just enough to pay bills but it means that I will be able to be home a lot with Xay and that I will be able to feed him without worrying about pumping (thank God because I hate the idea). But still at the moment I long for nothing more then to curl up in my bed with a bowl of reese cup ice cream and the remote to the TV. I was sort of lazy but I normally got my stuff done now it is honestly a chore just to make myself do school work let alone work.

I find myself wishing as I stated last post that this pregnancy would hurry up and come to an end. Pregnancy hasn't been as rough as some people has it, it has actually been quite easy. None the less I am bored with being pregnant. Does that make sense? I just want to finally meet this little ball of energy that has been growing inside me. I want to be able to see him...to play with his little fingers and toes that have poked and prodded me for the last nine months. I want to feed him, change him, dress him up, and just love him even more then what I do now (if that is possible). Other mothers who have their children say that I should be in no rush that I will wish that he could go back in my stomach when he comes out. I am sure that there will be times when I will become frustrated with the lack of sleep but I cannot make myself believe that I will ever regret having him. I cannot make myself believe that I would ever wish him to go away. I will say here that I do believe that it will be some of the hardest work that I have ever have to do. I do not delude myself into believing that it will be as easy and slicing a pie. But it will be worth it. I believe that every second of every day will be worth the nine months of changing my habits and preparing for this little man.

Do I think I no everything about being a mom? Never in a million years. I know that I will make my fair share of mistakes but I do know that I will correct the mistakes if possible and that I will make the best effort on my part to ensure that my son grows up to be the best man he can and that he knows that he is loved more then life itself. To me that is all that matters

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