Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Life Lessons

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Lifes lessons are sometimes learned through mistakes....of others or of your own. Looking back over my life I can honestly say I have made way to many mistakes but I have learned a lot and it has made me into the woman I am today. So I guess what I am saying is that I don't want my son to make the same mistakes that I have made. I understand that he will make plenty of his own but I have a obligation to try and make him see that the things I have seen are not what he needs to do.

Moving on to other things last night I went to Paris, KY to crown my final pageant. I can't help but feel like my life is now onto a new chapter in this book of life. I really ain't sure how I feel about it because my emotions are so crazy. Part of me feels really depressed that it's all over and the other part of me is that I can finally move on with my life.

I wonder what I will accomplish with my life now. First and foremost I am going to be a mother, and a college student. But what after college? Will I be sucessful in my career that I end up in. Will I be able to take my son all the places that I dreamed about going when I was a kid. I just have so many unanswered questions and they will probably remain unanswered.

Anyways I am sitting here in the house we are using for the movie and everyone is running around. I wish I could learn about the camera stuff but they are so busy. Maybe someday I will take some digital media classes. I know I will never make any money there but maybe it can be something fun to do on the side.

Should I just end the post here? There is still so much going on in my head but I am not sure what good it will do to put it here. But I guess it can't hurt and I don't have anything else to do.

PJ is still driving me crazy. I am still praying for patience but my hope is slowly fading. I don't really know what I want but I know this ain't it. I know it would be so hard to be a single mom.....but in my heart I know that I can handle it. I don't want to. But I have to do what's best for my son.

On that note I will say that all I want to do is run so far away that PJ and mom would never find me. Is that just the horomones? I really don't think so because a lot of this has been building up and I am just now willing to admit how trapped I feel.

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