Monday, November 17, 2008

Okay I wanna take a second to reflect. I want to be romanced. I want to receive flowers or a teddy bear just because he was thinking about me. I wanna get a card or a love letter just because he loves me. I wanna go out on a date just him and me. I want him to listen to what I say and hold me not wait until I cry. I want him to try to step outside his box instead trying to be what he was taught. I want him to show me that he cares. I don't want him to talk to girls and when they bring me up not say I don't know why I am dating her, or I don't care she talks to her ex's, or she not here, or do you wanna fuck, or your hot. I want him to say I have a girlfriend but she doesn't mind if I talk to other people as friends. But she is the love of my life. It hurts let me tell you to see that he has said that kind of stuff and in the moments that I read it I take a deep breath and tell myself that I need to leave him because obviously he doesn't love me or he would never say such things. He is right that I talk to my ex's that I talk to guys but I always say that I have a boyfriend and that I love him and that I don't want anyone else. Shouldn't I be able to expect the same? Obviously not. I just don't understand it and I probably won't. He talks about marrying me and I'm sitting here thinking that if he thinks this is how a relationship would work between us that we wouldn't stand a chance. I just wish that he would grow up instead of still messing around with the high school bullshit. I am over that I am grown up and I don't need that kind of drama in my life and maybe I should tell him that I don't trust him because I know how he is....maybe I should tell him that I am done....but I don't want to because I do love him and I do hope that he will mature into a nice man. I am just not sure I have the patient to wait for that when he talks to other girls like he does.....just because I am bi doesn't make it okay.