Sunday, October 14, 2007

Today I did something I never in a million years dreamed that I would do…..I am unable to change it but I wish to God I could. How could I be so fucking stupid man? I am not like that and I don’t understand why I would. Life is so fucked up right now and my mind is so fucked up. *sighs* I don’t know what the hell I am going to do……I need to be held….I need to cry. But I can’t. So what am I supposed to do? I guess you are wondering what I done well for fear that someone will read this I can’t tell you….well I guess I can. I fucked a guy. Oh yeah and I am asking myself WTF???? I am not the type to do that…..I am not the type that just has sex with any guy. And man I am hurting my very soul is hurting and I just want to cry. I hate being alone and yet here I am all alone and I hate this. I need someone and I know that I am not going to get what I want in a guy and damn I don’t know.