Saturday, February 17, 2007

Last night was absolutely awful! Tim started throwing up blood around 5:00pm and we took him to Hazard Hospital. So we got him back quick and the done a lot of tests on him and stuck a tube down his nose and into his stomach. So yeah everything was fine until I get a call and it was his exgirlfriend Ashley. Okay try as I might I can not get over a not so much jealous factor as the fact that I am scared to lose him to her. I know I shouldn't worry but you know when she came I left and she sat down on the bed next to him and look so happy talking to her. So I just couldn't take it anymore so I told him that I was leaving (I couldn't stay all night with him anyways). So the minute I got a way from him I slid down the hallway wall and cried. Mom finally got me to get up when this man stopped and asked if I was okay and told me I was to pretty to cry...he was prolli in his 50's. So her aunt or grandmother saw me and asked what was wrong and mom not knowing it was Ahsley's family told her that my boyfriends exgirlfriend was in with him and the woman said she didn't know I was his girlfriend and that she thought I was his brothers Anthony's girlfriend. That's some shit.

Mom just kept ragging me all the time about how he didn't love me and how he still loved Ashley and how I needed to see it and that she didn't want me to get hurt. I seriously think that she called or had someone call Ashley because she doesn't want me with Tim.

I dunno but I felt like my world was coming down around me and then I had to deal with Chris and Greg and Jimmy. Jimmy wasn't that bad really he gave me some weed cuz I was so upset. I was crying so bad that I was stuttering and couldn't talk. I hate exgirlfriends because I have always lost my boyfriends to ex's. I couldn't say anything to Tim though because he lets my exboyfriends be around me. I don't want them to be though....

I realized last night just how much I loved Tim. I knew I loved him before but loving him don't even compare to this. I knew I loved him to a point but's like undescribable! The only thing I can compare it to was what I had with Ducky but still this is on another level because I don't fear Tim in anyway. I can honestly see myself marrying him and having a life with him and being happy.

Sure me and Tim have had our fights but I can't stay mad at him and before we go to sleep we usually have made up. I am so scared though to lose him....I honestly don't know how I can pick myself up if I lose him.

Anyways I got a job at Ponderosa in Hazard I start today at 4pm. So we are going to go over to the hospital so I can see Tim.

Mom says she wants to tell him off....I hate her doing that. I wish she would stick her nose elsewhere and leave my relationships alone because she hurts them more then helps. I have 1 month, 2 weeks, and 3 days left of dealing with her before I turn 18. So....yay!!!!!!!!!