Thursday, July 13, 2006

Okay so today was a tiring day in general. I had to go to work...then we went to Hazard. I got my hair cut (I will post pictures when I fix it) and then I went a layed in the tanning bed. Two firsts in one day. I have a migraine right now thus making me feel like my head is going to explode.

So Greg found my journal...graphic and regular. I never log out of my main journal so he read a good deal of it for such a short period of time. I unno....it kinda makes me on edge because I am scared that he will leave me or get mad or I dunno.

I love this boy....I unno it's not like Ducky its on another level....a higher level. It's like with Greg I know that I am safe, I can be myself and not have to hide anything. I have no reason to lie or hide stuff from him....which is a big reason that I didn't tell him to stop because I don't want him to think I do. I look at it like this....I have tried changing myself to make guys that I have dated happy and it simply doesn't work. It means that I am unhappy and always having to hide myself.

He is going to Raleigh, NC tomorrow to get his dad. I hate for him to make that drive it's like 7 1/2 hours. I understand him wanting to do it alone though. It would give him some down time cuz he has had Mom, me, tim, anthony, and everything straight pretty much for almost two months. I'd say he is prolli tired of us. But he also wants to spend time with his dad so thats good.

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You kmow the past is the past but I learned a lot from my past. I am so tired of dating around I hope that Greg will be my last guy...but who knows what goes on inside that boys head. I just want to settle down, screw all this running and shit. I want a steady job working with little kids, I want to have my own house that I own. One that is out in the country so I can have my family and animals. That's all I need for real. Honestly I would be happy being a house wife....just doing little things like selling jewelry or something. I could live like that. But yeah people look at me like I am 17 and I have no idea what I want but they are so wrong. I do know what I want.....just everybody else don't help me none.

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Moving on........yeah I think that is about all I have to say. I am waiting for my baby to get home. I still have a headache so I guess I am going to check and see what else I can get into on here.

Ciao.