Thursday, June 1, 2006

How do you tell someone that you are scared to death to end up getting hurt, because you have been hurt so many times. So very many times.

How do you tell someone that you are scared to get attached, because each time you have it has resulted in that person getting tired of you and leaving.

How do you tell a person that it is so hard to trust, because everytime you give your trust it ends up being broken.

How do you tell a person that you are so scared when guys get mad, because last time when that guy got mad at you it always resulted in things getting broke, you getting hit or choked, and you getting called many names including a nigger.

How do you tell a person that you are scared to step into a relationship when there are so many things in the past that has hurt you and wounded you so deep and that you have poured your very sould into this stuff before and it all resulted in nothing but heartache.

Greg told me last night that he loved me.....that he didn't want to start this relationship if I wasn't going to be serious. It kind of floored me to be honest....I wasn't prepared for that. He had slipped up before and said it but I just brushed it off because I didn't think he meant it. But I do think he means it. That kind of scares me but at the same time I know that I can easily love him too. But I am just so scared! I see how things went with Ducky and I don't want that to happen with Greg and I. I am so scared that Greg being with me is going to result in him getting hurt or killed because Ducky will do just that when he finds out that he is the reason that I left him. There are so many things going on through my mind. But the main thing is that for once in almost a year I am happy and I don't want to give it up or mess it up because of these fears. Greg has gave me back something that Ducky long ago took, and that was my happiness. With Ducky I was forced to grow up, forced to be older. He called me a child or immature so many times. But that is honestly what I am right? I am still a teenager I shouldn't have been forced to be something I am not.