Monday, May 8, 2006

I am utterly lost....confused....tired....hurt. I don't know who is lieing anymore and who is telling the truth. In all honesty I just want to run away from it all....from everyone and everything. I can't take much more of all this. I honestly want to get drink right now....and just for that short time drowned my sorrows. Why does everyone take pleasure in telling lies about me? Why is everyone so dead set on destroying the few things I hold so dear? I want to cry and scream and I don't know. I am so hurt by everything. So hurt that people believe what they hear. Is that really how people feel about me? That they can't trust me? Even though I prove time and time again to be loyal and to stand by them even when other people won't. Is that truly how people feel about me when I go out of my way to do everything I can for them? What more can I do? I don't know. I know that I am not truly happy anymore.....I know that the smile on my face is no longer a real smile.