Wednesday, May 31, 2006

God I am so scared to get attached to Greg because of what happened with Ducky. I am scared that in the end it is going to result in me getting hurt all over again and I don't want that. I can't handle that again. We start "dating" the 29th of May....so yeah God help me. I do really like him.....but being scared holds me back...you know? I already know that he is different from Ducky. I know that I don't have to be scared of him like I was Ducky because I know that he isn't going to hit me, or bust up my stuff if he gets mad. He is jealous but not overly jealous to the point that I have to be scared to so much as look at another guy. I dunno....it's weird. I feel bad for leaving Ducky with his mom dieing like she is but I couldn't deal with it anymore and it was time for me to move on. Everyone told me I could find someone who would treat me better and everything and I did. The only issue I have is there is still the drug scene involved. No Greg doesn't do pills or anything hard like that....he smokes pot but that is okay you know? But I think he sells....or has people that sells for him. That is what I gather atleast. I dunno....and really I don't think I want to know. I think that I have learned that sometimes ignorance is bliss. I didn't tell Ducky I had someone else.....I am scared to death to do that. I know that when he finds out that I moved on that far that he will retaliate and either burn my house down, kill one of us, or something drastic. I think in his own demented way he prolli did love me but that isn't how love works.

Saturday I am starting my pageants again. I am doing Miss Casey County Fair.....I still need to get a interview suit and a bathing suit. Greg is coming with me so that is cool.

Well I gotta run.

Ciao.