Thursday, March 9, 2006

So Kirby finally moved out. The funny thing is I think Ducky is staying with her. Ain't that just funny he denies it yet everyone sees him around there. That's fucked up. I left him a note last night saying that I was done with him if he didn't come over like he was supposed to and he called me trying to smooth things over and then didn't show. He has been to Kirby's at least three times and has lied to me once about why he was there. So I am getting ready to most likely break up with him. It's almost been a year. Four months of it was wasted and now that she is gone he has no excuse but that doesn't stop him from trying. It hasn't realized that I am fed up and that I was serious. I am getting ready to turn 17 years old. I have a lot that I can do. I didn't fuck up by getting pregnant with his kid or marrying him. Which I would have then but right now if he tried to marry me I would be like I want to wait. Even if I am supposed to be engaged to him. There are a lot of other guys out there and I am sick and tired of being the one who gives everything and gets nothing in return, I am tired of not being treated like I deserve to be treated and pushed back to the end of the line, I am tired of it all. I am tired of being used and I won't deal with it no more. I don't have to and I won't. Now if I can actually make those words into action I will be set. The thing is as much as I hate it I love him...and I am starting to hate myself for it. Because my heart is betraying my mind.