Saturday, November 5, 2005

I know now

How stupid am I to envy a 3 year old little girl? I mean I shouldn't be that stupid, but I guess I am. Ducky went and picked up his little girl. Drove through town and never even called or stopped by. It hurt like everything. But I won't say anything. Nah I will keep my feelings bottled up inside and not tell him that him staying away, not calling as much is killing me. I won't tell him that I wish sometimes that I could switch places with his little girl to have his attention and just to be that innocent again. I won't tell him that I want to scream at him everytime he tells me he misses me because if he missed me he would be with me. I want to cry everytime he tells me he loves me because while every part of me wants to believe him I am starting to think that he really doesn't. Most of all I won't tell him that I hate the fact that he went to where Kirby was to pick up Cheyanne, that he didn't call me to atleast tell me he was going and that I had to hear it from my mother. I won't tell him that even though he says he hates her that I don't trust him with her because she wants him back. I won't tell him that. No I will keep my silence. When it comes down to it even through all of this I love him with every once of my soul. I know that I won't give up on him.