Thursday, June 23, 2005

Well I done it now. Which I guess I should have known this would end up happening. But I really thought I had lost him, and I still might have and the thought of that kills me. Ducky is my world, my life and my everything. I can't hold up if I lose him. But back to the main story. I probably won't be updating for awhile. I am currently sitting at the police department charged with assult. I assulted my mom and my dad so now I am basicly screwed. I just wanted them to leave me alone. I asked I told them to just leave me the fuck alone and everything would be fine. But no one ever listens to me. So now I am going to talk to the Crowe lady and then be sent on to juvi. I told them to send me. But I thought Jamie was going to leave me. I thought that it was over between me and him so what's the point in me staying. But he tried to make up with me before I left, I didn't even get to tell him I love him. I do love him, more then anything, more then my own life. I hate my parents, I hate them so much right now. It's their damn fault that I am here. All I wanted them to do was leave me the fuck alone. Why couldn't they listen? I was going to walk and calm down and then come back. But I couldn't they pushed me to far and I went off. I am not sorry about that. I am sorry that I don't have Ducky. I didn't tell the police this but me and him fought. He was mad because of pictures. Pictures I could care less about....I don't need them all I need is him. I hit him when he started to tear up my letters from penpals and he pushed me off and went back for them and then I went for him again. Then he went upstairs and packed all his stuff and I left out the door mom tried to stop me and so did dad and when mom got ahold of me I went off on her. But I didn't hit her just shoved and threatened her. Dad however went to grab me when I shoved him and I hit him upside the head. So he left, someone saw mom and me fight and they called the cops and they said I could either go to juvi or the next time they called I wouldn't have a choice. So I went, and now I fear I have lost the one thing in my life that makes want to stay alive and makes me want to stay around. I hate my life.....I hate this county....I hate my parents.

Ducky...I know you don't read this but if you ever do, I love you more then my life. Baby I never mean to do anything to make you mad. Or anything else but you went to far tonight. But I still love you. Forever and Always.