Monday, June 13, 2005

June 15, 2005 12:41am
Dearest Jamie,
Hey baby, I guess I have a bad habbit of writing you letters more when I have issues with something going on with us then just simple love letters. Sorry baby this is one of those issues letters. Not one of those good ones either. We need to talk about this stuff yet I know when I see your face all of these matters will leave my mind and all anger I held will disapper. Which is simply because I love you so much. But here we go.
Issue #1....Our "marriage." Okay, I thought we came to the understanding that if it came down to it that we would just say we were married no matter who asked. Yet Ricky informs me that you told Glenn "Hell no" you weren't married and that you "were just having fun." Well fuck that. It's funny that I am the one that has more to lose with saying this yet I don't give a flying fuck and tell people I am married and you don't even hold up your end of the deal or for that matter half the time you don't wear your ring (like Sun. night). My family thinks I am married or getting married.....yours either thinks your not or is completely confused as to if we are or not. Now you can tell people it was all a prank or it was anulled or you can make up your damn mind as to if you want to be with me like that. I don't like it one bit to when I say one thing and get told your saying another.
Issue #2....The people you hang out with and what you do. Okay I normally wouldn't say anything about this because it is your space but it's starting to mess with our relationship. When you know I am coming out there, when you know I want you to come over here (like tonight) or you are supposed to go somewhere don't take of with people. I personally could care less who needs their drugs or who doesn't, or who wants your help. Even though I don't say much I am a very jealous person and I do NOT like to share you one bit when it comes down to it. I will share you with your little girl but only her. Right now a good portion of your family can go jump off a bridge for all I care. I want you to myself...and this is what it is coming down to. I refuse to be low on your list of importance. I will come second to your little girl but only to her. I am not going to sit around for someone who is God only knows where with God only knows who. I am not doing it anymore Jamie.
Issue #3.....Your word. Your word is starting not to be good anymore. Your supposed to be over here tonight. Well you know what your not, so where are you? Well you haven't been at Glenn's, they didn't even know you were supposed to be over there. Was that a lie? Do you honestly love me? I am starting to wonder now, and you know I wouldn't normally do that. But I start thinking "if he loves me why isn't he here with me like he said he would be?" You aren't and there is really no excuse good enough this time. You done this before and I let it slide but not this time. I am not going to let myself get hurt. Which now I would because I am in way to deep, I love you way to much. But please when you tell me it. Don't make yourself into a liar. Remember Jamie, a man is only as good as his word. Sarg was right about that and I believe it. But I also believe that you are a wonderful person. Don't prove me wrong.
Issue #4.....Your family. Okay look it I am sorry to do this to you. But I need to know right now is it going to be them or me? I am leaving after July 5th.....I want you to come with me. I am going to put a min. of 3 hours between me and this God forsaken town and it's people. Do you really love me enough to come with me? You'll know by then if Kirby is going to let you see Chayenne or not. Jamie I don't want to leave here without you......but I am not staying here. The only ties I have here is you. I don't have friends here, and I don't have family here. Your what matters.
Jamie please understand that you are my world and I am not trying to make you mad, break up with you, or anything like that. I am just stating the problems that I have right now with everything. I love you with everything in me, and I really do believe or atleast hope that you love me just as much as I love you. I know I normally say "It's alright" when something comes up, but sometimes when I say that it's not. It's simply that I don't know how to put it into words the issues I have. I am not a good talker when it comes to issues. I am better at putting my words on to paper. So then you end up with a letter like this that has all issues that have built up. Right now I do want to talk to you about everything I really do, and that's simply because I am ready to talk.
You said that you were ready to settle down, and that you wanted a serious relationship. Right now it's not seeming as if you want to settle down to much. It seems more that you are going back to how you used to be. I trust you, I love you, and I do everything for you that I can do to let you know just how much I love you. Jamie can't have a relationship if we don't talk, and right now we aren't doing that much serious talking. But that has is going to change.