Thursday, December 8, 2016

routine life

Life as a single mom of three is an interesting thing. Life is chaotic yet routine. I can say that each day brings challenges and frustrations yet also moments of laughter and joy.

Leilani grows everyday I took her to the doctor the day before yesterday and she is now 10lbs 6oz and 22in long. It occurs to me that I have yet to post her birth story which is a wee bit entertaining consider where I went into labor but that is a story for another time.

Life this year has been a transformation. It has been a time for ends and beginnings. So lows but a lot of highs. As the year comes to an end I find myself reflecting over everything and looking forward to what the New Years holds.

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Thoughts of becoming a Single Mom of 3

So being pregnant was an adventure but it certainly did not prepare me for the transition of having three young kids. Storm decided to make her appearance to the world on her big brother's birthday (Oct 20th). I will post her birth story later on but she has come into the world as as full blown hurricane. Nursing Storm isn't like it was with Ziah things are going okay, she is like her big brother she does not take a binky, which means she doesn't soothe very well. I have yet to buy her a swing which I think will amazing because she will calm down if you lay her in the car seat and stand up and rock with it or sometimes by riding in the car.

Life has kind of just blurred together. Most days its feels like I am in survival mode just trying to make it through the day and then I will consider the next. I have been trying to get caught up on my late work I have for my class and I will admit this class is kicking my butt amazing well. I only have two more classes after this before I graduate with my Bachelor's in Information Technology with a specialization in Security. I am excited about being this close to the end of this chapter of school but with the new baby I have not even begun to process what is next.

I need to get a new job I know this because money is starting to run low but that brings us back to the next issue daycare at 4 weeks old is not something I feel comfortable with which means trying to find a nanny because frankly I don't really want to put her on formula and pumping makes me feel like a milk cow. I mean seriously has anyone watched a video or seen a cow being milked in person? They put these things just like we have to hook up to our boobs and get milked! It's greatly disturbing to me and I think someone out there should rise to the engineering of a breast pump that is more graceful then the ones we have today. Sorry end rant!

Pumpkin is in full blown terrible two mode it's crazy. Whoever thought it was okay to make kids video's include bad behavior like in "Bad Baby Niyah" is out their minds as well. I ended up having to delete the whole Kids Youtube app off the iPad because there was no way to block those videos from reaching my already to smart for her own good daughter. But the things she would say was not things she had picked up from her daddy or me so after watching what she was I knew where it was coming from. Everyday she asks to watch the show and I tell her no and suggest Daniel Tiger or Peppa Pig. Sometimes it works and sometimes she gets mad and folds her little arms and frowns so hard. I look at her and wonder where did my sweet little girl go? She learned so much good stuff from the app but the bad behavior is currently overshadowing that.

I cannot believe my son is now 7 and so grown. He is a big help whenever he choices to pay attention. I made the mistake of getting him his first pair of earphones for his tablet and now I know exactly how my parents felt when I had my earphones on. Keep in mind I remember having cassette players, cd players, cd mp3 players, and then the release of the first just mp3 players, and finally the iPods. Kind of crazy that all that happened during my childhood. It's hard to believe that in 6 more years he is going to be a teenager. I cannot believe that once upon a time he was the size of Storm. Time flies much to fast but he will always be my Little Foot.

Besides the craziness of being a Single Mom of three kids has given me. I would not trade any of these amazing little blessings for the world. But they sure are making the grey hairs appear in my head. I think I need to get it dyed haha!

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Curve Balls of Life

In my world things are never simple or easy. My biological mom overdosed and died Feb 24th. The lil monkeys dad said some rather hateful things in regards to that which led to the ultimate fallout to the point he is a non-factor in my life. Morning sickness has kicked in overdrive. Exhaustion is kicking my ass and I am overwhelmed and scared.

My bestie has been a life saver in regards to help Lord knows I don't know what I would do without her at the moment.

California is the only shining ray of happiness that I got. Knowing that in 2 months I will be eating carne asada fries and soaking up good music and sun makes me smile hut the rest is shitty. And California will always make me remember him and for the life of me I can't figure out why he is different then the rest....why he is sticking on my mind even still....how he managed to beat my first love and ultimately I know it means it was cuz I really loved him not no pretend love everyone else gets. Smh eventually I will forget or maybe he will really be that last guy I let in because I don't think I will ever let another man that close to me or my kids again. Kinda sad but I got to accept its me and these kids that's it.

I never expected my life to be like this. People tell me I am a champion for everything I have been thru since August 2014 but I don't feel like a champion hell I don't even feel like a survivor. I feel like I am the walking dead. And while I have people willing to help me....trying to help me....it's like the only people I want it from is the people who are no longer here or no longer want to.

Life throws hella curve balls....and seems hell bent on striking me out the game.